On Stage

So not yesterday, but the previous Friday (11-11-11), I performed "I Am Here to Stay" at my ward talent show. So I met that last music goal of mine to perform a song I wrote on stage! Now to get more practice at not being so nervous doing so.... :)

A Comfort-first, Curious, and Creative Daughter of God

For my multicultural education class we were assigned to make a cultural diorama, choosing 3 objects that represent our culture and who we are.

My "Holy" Shoes

I grew up in Southern California with a stay-at-home mom and an auto-mechanic dad. I didn't know at the time, but this was rather miraculous, considering the cost of living in So Cal. We have always made due by being frugal. We rarely got rid of anything we hadn't used to it's fullest potential. I am not saying we didn't have money for new shoes, but this view of money in combination with my comfort-over-fashion attitude has meant that I will stubbornly wear what my father would call my “holy” shoes.

God's Gifts to Me

Although I got my “punny” sense of humor from my father, I got my chronic curiosity and desire for knowledge from my mother. Any little thing either of us was interested in would lead us to the library. We would check out books on insects and try to identify the neighborhood critters, and my mom would always be spouting off plant names when we went on walks. These experiences have led to my faith being built on a foundation of observing God's creations and wondering about the world around me. This is a main reason for why I studied biology and now want to teach it.

In addition to collecting information about God's creations, I like to collect pieces of them and keep them around my room as little reminders. Reminders, not only of God's love, but also of the memories of people and places associated with each one. I would not be me if I didn't have this collection of friends and memories.

 (In case you are interested to know what a few of these items represent:


The Bougainvillea blossoms are a papery flower that are everywhere back home. I picked this bit while on one of many walks with my cuddle-bug of a little sister. I picked the leaf here in Provo fours years ago, Fall of my freshman year. I was with my forever-friend Nicole.)

Creative Aspirations

Since I was a kid, I've loved rhymes and alliterations. I've been writing silly poems since elementary school and cheesy songs since middle school. It was then that I fell in love with music by Michelle Branch, a young singer-songwriter that made it big, at least in my eyes. Since then I have had this dream and creative aspiration to learn how to play guitar and do the same, although minus the “making it big” part. I have also had the dream of getting something published. Just this semester I have successfully met my goal of writing a song on my own guitar. I also got my first rejection email in response to submitting some of my poetry for publication.

My creative aspirations are a key part of what make me happy to be me.

I Am Here To Stay

     Oh, what a great image. Lol. But yeah. Here is my new song. :) But that is the end of the story.
     The story begins with my love of Michelle Branch music from my pre-teen years and my admiration that she wrote her own songs. I have since then written songs, but they all stayed in my poetry notebook, because I couldn't accompany myself. So I set a goal to learn how to play guitar. Took the beginning class a year ago last Spring...Check! And I had the goal to write a song on my guitar, so I could serenade people... Just last month... Check! And this is the 2nd song that has fulfilled that goal. (I will record the 1st one soon). Next up... perform on stage? Hmm, it might be awhile. :p

 Oh, and upon demand, here are the lyrics. Sorry by guitar was louder than my voice.

 

Hey, you told me I should run,

But I can't see why.

A princess isn't meant to be saved.

Let me stand by your side,

Lend you sight, be your guide.

Just please let me stay!

CHORUS 1

I (don't want to) give up today.

No, I (don't want to) run away.

All the world may (come) to fight us,

But I (prefer) to stay.

Yes, (please let me) stay.

I know there's dragons, pirates, thieves,

And of course I'm scared of these,

But I can hold my own with a sword.

Who cares for treasured gold

From stories 'ever old?

When our love shall be our reward!

CHORUS 2

I (won't) give up today.

No, I (can't) run away.

All the world may (try) to fight us,

But I (am here) to stay.

Yes, (I am here) to stay.

Yes, treat me like a queen,

I'm a fan of chivalry.

But you're my prince and I wish to stay by you.

I know alone you are strong.

You may win before long.

But together we can't lose!

CHORUS 3

WE (won't) give up today.

No, WE (refuse to) run away.

All the evil of darkest night

we will conquer and set right

We will greet the light of day

But WE ARE HERE to stay. 

Yes, I am here to stay.

Web

Your heart strings,

like spider webs,

hold me in their grasp.

But with each movement

and fearful thought,

I become more unattached.

And though my eyes saw clearly

the sticky strings you spun,

our friendship,

like dew drops,

brought me in with the glistening sun.

For flying freely

talking to a friend

never appeared precarious

until it reached this end.

I'm sorry that changing my position

and where I'd rather be,

would pull apart this pretty thing

and leave you with bits of broken string.

Phoenix

Although it was painful,
it was purifying fire.
Apathy has been reborn
as a fledgling wing-ed
desire for us.
With practice in trusting
that God's nudging wind
will always be enough,
patience makes perfect
in flying wings of love.

Sleeping Beauty

Hair cascading
like a rain-made, curbside waterfall.
Rivulets of brown, streaked gold,
flowing over shoulders,
masking the rock face
where hidden treasures lie in sleep.
The earth moves, the water changes course,
and a sigh escapes the lips of the maiden mountain.
What dreams to lie beneath the stillness of her face
and serve as pillow to this living landscape?

Blind

I wrote this poem a few years ago, when I kept feeling like my world was being turned upside down. It may not be clear, but it is about choosing faith over fear based on what I heard from God instead of what my bat-like eyes could see. The "folded wings" refers to prayer.

i am a bat
blind and unobservant that way
no hands to grasp
to hold onto life as is
right side up
instead my feet take control
clinging
keeping me from falling
as i hang.
and wrapped in my wings
i wait
upside down
for that time when i shall take to the sky
letting go
into the night
not trusting my wings
when i should
depending too much on sight
when it is useless
i should listen
for there is my strength
hearing the faint echoes
outlines of what lies ahead
giving me a place in my surroundings
a knowledge of what is passed
keeping me from getting lost and ending up alone.
stars my only friends
faint and distant
dependable, not fickle
exhilarating independence
a newly found freedom
until i grow tired
taking a pause to rest
i try to find my footing
hoping for security
that will last another day
of hanging upside down
waiting.
eyes closed and folded wings.

Dating at BYU, Where's Waldo?

Silly thoughts from my Sophomore year:

"There are many fish in the sea all of a sudden equated to me, that the number of really good looking, available, and morally-compassed guys at the Y is like numberless concourses of angels. My problem is seeing that polar bear in the snow storm, or Waldo in the see of red and white-striped shirt-wearing crowd. So what if someone else matches the description of what you are looking, but isn't it? Wouldn't it be cool if you could put on 4D glasses and the one you are looking for popped out of the crowd? I suppose that would be demeaning to love and all that it is, and what we never fully understand. Technology and magic may be the appealing way to solve the problem, but if all problems had simple solutions... if it wasn't a challenge, would we try? Sort of like the dating philosophy of playing hard to get. Because the game is hard to play, we want to play it and move from dating frustration into level 2 - marriage. If, as I was tempted to wish, God did just point out my significant other, I might kind of resent the options. Love has to grow, and growing takes time and patience, and care in figuring out what seeds grow where, and weeding out the bad plants that get in the way. Catch a fish, throw it back. Catch another fish, and throw it back too. Just keep swimming. I suppose now I'm looking for a half polar bear, half fish, wearing a red and white striped shirt, and playing a harp on a cloud."

And to explain (as if one is needed, right?), check out the last item on the To Do List of the BYU Bookstore ad: