For my multicultural education class we were assigned to make a cultural diorama, choosing 3 objects that represent our culture and who we are.
My "Holy" Shoes
I grew up in Southern California with a
stay-at-home mom and an auto-mechanic dad. I didn't know at the time,
but this was rather miraculous, considering the cost of living in So
Cal. We have always made due by being frugal. We rarely got rid of
anything we hadn't used to it's fullest potential. I am not saying we
didn't have money for new shoes, but this view of money in
combination with my comfort-over-fashion attitude has meant that I
will stubbornly wear what my father would call my “holy” shoes.
God's Gifts to Me
Although I got my “punny” sense of
humor from my father, I got my chronic curiosity and desire for
knowledge from my mother. Any little thing either of us was
interested in would lead us to the library. We would check out books
on insects and try to identify the neighborhood critters, and my mom
would always be spouting off plant names when we went on walks. These
experiences have led to my faith being built on a foundation of
observing God's creations and wondering about the world around me.
This is a main reason for why I studied biology and now want to teach
it.
In addition to collecting information
about God's creations, I like to collect pieces of them and keep them
around my room as little reminders. Reminders, not only of God's
love, but also of the memories of people and places associated with
each one. I would not be me if I didn't have this collection of
friends and memories.
(In case you are interested to know
what a few of these items represent:
The Bougainvillea blossoms are a
papery flower that are everywhere back home. I picked this bit while
on one of many walks with my cuddle-bug of a little sister. I picked
the leaf here in Provo fours years ago, Fall of my freshman year. I
was with my forever-friend Nicole.)
Creative Aspirations
Since I was a kid, I've loved rhymes
and alliterations. I've been writing silly poems since elementary
school and cheesy songs since middle school. It was then that I fell
in love with music by Michelle Branch, a young singer-songwriter that
made it big, at least in my eyes. Since then I have had this dream
and creative aspiration to learn how to play guitar and do the same,
although minus the “making it big” part. I have also had the
dream of getting something published. Just this semester I have
successfully met my goal of writing a song on my own guitar. I also
got my first rejection email in response to submitting some of my
poetry for publication.
My creative aspirations are a key part
of what make me happy to be me.
Oh, what a great image. Lol. But yeah. Here is my new song. :) But that is the end of the story.
The story begins with my love of Michelle Branch music from my pre-teen years and my admiration that she wrote her own songs. I have since then written songs, but they all stayed in my poetry notebook, because I couldn't accompany myself. So I set a goal to learn how to play guitar. Took the beginning class a year ago last Spring...Check! And I had the goal to write a song on my guitar, so I could serenade people... Just last month... Check! And this is the 2nd song that has fulfilled that goal. (I will record the 1st one soon). Next up... perform on stage? Hmm, it might be awhile. :p
Oh, and upon demand, here are the lyrics. Sorry by guitar was louder than my voice.
Although it was painful, it was purifying fire. Apathy has been reborn as a fledgling wing-ed desire for us. With practice in trusting that God's nudging wind will always be enough, patience makes perfect in flying wings of love.
Hair cascading
like a rain-made, curbside waterfall.
Rivulets of brown, streaked gold,
flowing over shoulders,
masking the rock face
where hidden treasures lie in sleep.
The earth moves, the water changes course,
and a sigh escapes the lips of the maiden mountain.
What dreams to lie beneath the stillness of her face
and serve as pillow to this living landscape?
I wrote this poem a few years ago, when I kept feeling like my world was being turned upside down. It may not be clear, but it is about choosing faith over fear based on what I heard from God instead of what my bat-like eyes could see. The "folded wings" refers to prayer.
i am a bat blind and unobservant that way no hands to grasp to hold onto life as is right side up instead my feet take control clinging keeping me from falling as i hang. and wrapped in my wings i wait upside down for that time when i shall take to the sky letting go into the night not trusting my wings when i should depending too much on sight when it is useless i should listen for there is my strength hearing the faint echoes outlines of what lies ahead giving me a place in my surroundings a knowledge of what is passed keeping me from getting lost and ending up alone. stars my only friends faint and distant dependable, not fickle exhilarating independence a newly found freedom until i grow tired taking a pause to rest i try to find my footing hoping for security that will last another day of hanging upside down waiting. eyes closed and folded wings.
"There are many fish in the sea all of a sudden equated to me, that the number of really good looking, available, and morally-compassed guys at the Y is like numberless concourses of angels. My problem is seeing that polar bear in the snow storm, or Waldo in the see of red and white-striped shirt-wearing crowd. So what if someone else matches the description of what you are looking, but isn't it? Wouldn't it be cool if you could put on 4D glasses and the one you are looking for popped out of the crowd? I suppose that would be demeaning to love and all that it is, and what we never fully understand. Technology and magic may be the appealing way to solve the problem, but if all problems had simple solutions... if it wasn't a challenge, would we try? Sort of like the dating philosophy of playing hard to get. Because the game is hard to play, we want to play it and move from dating frustration into level 2 - marriage. If, as I was tempted to wish, God did just point out my significant other, I might kind of resent the options. Love has to grow, and growing takes time and patience, and care in figuring out what seeds grow where, and weeding out the bad plants that get in the way. Catch a fish, throw it back. Catch another fish, and throw it back too. Just keep swimming. I suppose now I'm looking for a half polar bear, half fish, wearing a red and white striped shirt, and playing a harp on a cloud."
And to explain (as if one is needed, right?), check out the last item on the To Do List of the BYU Bookstore ad:
I want to be an author, a photographer, a song writer, a poet, a chocolate bar, a cure to someone's heart ache and the first rain drop to land on your head reminding you to look heavenward.
~*~*~
I love you, and when I'm not with you I miss you.
~*~*~
Hugs are my lifeline, and rain heals my soul.
~*~*~
As soon as I figure out what it is I want, I can guarantee I'll reach for it on tip toe, but as for now? Maybe I should just jump.