Dating at BYU, Where's Waldo?

Silly thoughts from my Sophomore year:

"There are many fish in the sea all of a sudden equated to me, that the number of really good looking, available, and morally-compassed guys at the Y is like numberless concourses of angels. My problem is seeing that polar bear in the snow storm, or Waldo in the see of red and white-striped shirt-wearing crowd. So what if someone else matches the description of what you are looking, but isn't it? Wouldn't it be cool if you could put on 4D glasses and the one you are looking for popped out of the crowd? I suppose that would be demeaning to love and all that it is, and what we never fully understand. Technology and magic may be the appealing way to solve the problem, but if all problems had simple solutions... if it wasn't a challenge, would we try? Sort of like the dating philosophy of playing hard to get. Because the game is hard to play, we want to play it and move from dating frustration into level 2 - marriage. If, as I was tempted to wish, God did just point out my significant other, I might kind of resent the options. Love has to grow, and growing takes time and patience, and care in figuring out what seeds grow where, and weeding out the bad plants that get in the way. Catch a fish, throw it back. Catch another fish, and throw it back too. Just keep swimming. I suppose now I'm looking for a half polar bear, half fish, wearing a red and white striped shirt, and playing a harp on a cloud."

And to explain (as if one is needed, right?), check out the last item on the To Do List of the BYU Bookstore ad:

The thoughts that go through your head before you commit murder

Today my dad came home from work and excitedly handed me a large, clear, plastic container with air holes in the top. Inside was the prize of my insect collection. I was amazed at this critter's size, with a wingspan equal to the distance from my thumb-tip to pinky-tip as I gestured to him, “Hang loose!” Immediately upon seeing him I began vacillating about my initial intent to freeze him in all his beauty forever.

At my mother's suggestion, I decided to check whether he was endangered or not before making my decision. I Googled large moths until we came across the portraits of his family members. He is commonly known as a Black Witch moth, or by the superstitious of Hispanic descent, “Mariposa de la Muerte” aka the butterfly of death. I also learned that he was not an endangered species. So I was clear right? There were plenty more of them in the world. And it's not like murdering moths was new to me. I'd killed hundreds of bugs already for my entomology class last fall. Maybe I was losing my bug hunting touch, but then again, I froze a grasshopper just yesterday. So why couldn't I kill this one?

Well, he had soulful eyes, which upon gazing into I could not extinguish without feeling I was being disrespectful. And he was deserving of my respect.

His size (7 inches- large for even his kind) and his scars (large pieces of his hind wings were evidently missing) showed that he was superior not just in beauty within the insect world, but in prowess. His stillness within his plastic cage witnessed of his weariness. I felt his fear.

My greed could hardly compete with my guilt this time.

I wanted him, I really did.

Then I set him free.

30 days and TED

So... lately I've been curbing my boredom by watching TED talks. If you don't know what they are, you should. I've watched a handful this week and only one did I think to myself, "Oh. I am wasting my time. This is not that important to me or all that interesting either." Besides, I like learning and I am of a generation where getting it via video is often more attention grabbing than books. (Still love books though. And as one friend recently commented, she could see me being to read textbooks for fun. Guilty!)

So back to TED. One talk that interested and inspired me was this one on trying something new for 30 days.

Matt Cutts: Try something new for 30 days

This guy was initially inspired by Morgan Spurlock's television show about trying out different people's lives for 30 days, a show I found inspiring as well. If you don't know who he is, he's the guy who made the documentary Super Size Me and ate only McDonald's for a month. (Ugh. And yet, I still like fries).

Anyways, you can watch the talk/lecture thing and find out more. But basically this guy decided to try new things over periods of 30 days to see if they were habits he wanted to adopt, or just simply to experience life differently.

I like the idea.

I am going to try it.

July 26th (marking exactly my one month left of summer at home) was when I watched this and decided to set two new habits. I'd already started them before, but not habitually enough, as one is evidenced in my multiple dentist visits this summer. This idea of 30 days seemed to me an intriguing way to do things, so I am going to give it a shot.

Laugh now. Or not. But Month 1 my two goals are to:

1) floss EVERYday and

2) exercise EVERYday.

I really would like to never ever have another root canal, cavity filled, or crown fitted. And I would like to be fit. I've always dabbled in exercise, but never really worked towards any goals. Endorphins were my pen pals, but I'd like to be besties.

My specific exercise goal was also born by reading this blog post by my friend Jessie on her running program. I liked the idea of running in spurts and resting. A routine that starts out slow is just what I needed. I'm not usually the type to work on projects or goals bit by bit. I'm the write-the-paper-the-day-it's-due and get-so-obsessed-in-my-new-hobby-I-never-finish kind of girl. I'd run. I'd get shin splints. I'd take a dance class. I'd over do it and pull something and have to withdraw. But with this, so far I've been running a minute, walking two, alternating for half an hour... every other day for 2 weeks. So far, so sore, but it lessening. Goal of running a 5K here I come!

Which prompts one last idea and link. This other guy posted on how sharing our goals with other people may actually make it so that we don't meet our goals. This is because sharing them brings about the same neural response as achieving it. He said we should consider keeping the goals we want to achieve a secret. Eh. Interesting idea. I have witnessed what he said in my life. Do I have a pixie haircut? No. Evidence right there. But in alignment with earlier posts of mine, life is about connection and goals are important to me and meant to be shared. My opinion is that we human beings should get double the pleasure. First, by sharing our goals, and second, by exerting the self control to actually achieve them. We shall see if I can back up my opinion. Share. Check! Do?... come back August 26th.

Jungle gym

I am a jungle gym set in quicksand,

tired of being middle man and not knowing what I want of where I stand.

I listen and sink as you climb,

taking thought for your welfare and not mine.

I'm getting lost

and I don't have time

to do it all,

save us all,

clear up the confusion and still be standing.

My priorities are obviously a bit mixed up

as I get stuck.

from September 19th, 2010...

"People are human; we are not perfect. That is hard to accept, that we will not ever be perfect in this life, but oh, how it brings me peace to try and let that sink into my heart. I do not have to be perfect. It isn't possible. I just have to be me, the best me. If someone doesn't love me for that identity, God still will and I can have self love and self respect for staying true to that."

*Although I need to serve others, being a jungle gym sure is a lot easier when I remember to keep my priorities straight. God comes first. Staying true to myself comes next. Then helping others and loving others, while not denying who I am or what I believe.

poem written 1-9-2010